Something to think about

Here’s an excellent article from coach and consultant Susan Bock.

For me 2009 was a year of tremendous learning and change, love and loss, as well as shedding stuff and organizing.  Now that the frenzy of activity has passed I have enjoyed some time to reflect on many things including lessons learned.

The lesson revealed to me was one my dad tried to teach me more than once.  You see we moved quite a few times.  Each time he had us take things that were perfectly useful, but that we had not been using (or even remembered we had!) and put them in a box labeled “good junk”.  He would date the box.  One year later, after we were long since settled into our new home, he would take the box and donate it.

Despite our pleas to take just one last look because we felt compelled to be absolutely sure there wasn’t something we really needed in that box, he would say NO emphatically.  He reminded us that we already knew what was in there.  Given we had not felt the need to open the box for any of it for a whole year, why would we think we needed any of it now?

Good question!

I think the reason is because it can be really hard to let go, even when we know it is the right thing, the best thing, or simply that we have no real choice in the matter.  While I started 2009 on a mission to get rid of things, in the process I let go of much more:  some out of choice and some due to circumstance, and sometimes more gracefully than others.  Yet I leave this year feeling somehow lighter and freer.

The most obvious thing I learned is that clearing physical space creates mental space.  Turns out it is also the key to staying organized.  This is common wisdom perhaps.  But as the saying goes “if you know but you don’t do then you don’t know”.  Thankfully, I now know this to be true!

Yet the practice of eliminating physical clutter in my home carried into letting go in other realms.  I have numerous boxes in my attic and drawers full of stuff from prior jobs and clients.  I have for years planned to go through and sift out the “good, still useful stuff”, but instead I simply keep collecting more to “go through some day”.

I now realize it is nothing more than “good junk”.  It was important to me once.  It all served a meaningful purpose.  There are things in there I am sure I was proud of creating or being a part of at the time.  It might even be a fun walk down memory lane to go through it.  I will keep a few artifacts of my past work, of course, but the ones that have mattered to me are not hiding in those boxes – I know exactly where to find them.  Besides, how much do I really need to keep and what is going to be relevant anyway?

Perhaps the most important question I asked myself is what could any of it have to do with my future? My ultimate answer: nothing…if I am willing to put my faith in the future.

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Are we really ready to change and grow?

I just read an introspective article by Dr. Alex Pattakos, author of the book “Prisoners of Our Thoughts” (www.prisonersofourthoughts.com). The article focuses on correspondence he had with actual prisoners, people locked away for years – or even life – in actual prisons.

”What is common and revealing in these quotations is that, even though they are facing a formidable challenge in life that none of us would ever like to endure, both inmates are able and willing to explore the meaning of their respective lives' moments, including those "moments" that are not so pleasant and may actually be extremely painful for them. Moreover, the inmates are demonstrating their willingness to own up to their own lives by discovering the meaning of any given moment, including those that came during their imprisonment. They are assuming responsibility for weaving their unique tapestry of existence, that is, what is their own life.

“Now let me ask you: if inmates in a real prison are able and willing to search for meaning in their lives, as well as exploring ways to change and grow, are you? Remember, we don't really create meaning; we find it. And we can't find it unless we look for it. Although we are not always aware of it, meaning is present in every moment, even in what may be viewed as the darkest hours of our lives.”

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Here is a great post from life and business coach Molly Gordon on acceptance.

Acceptance is the foundation for all creative action. Acceptance is finding the “you are here” place on the map, the place you can take a confident stand and then move toward your goal. There’s simply no way to move forward if you don’t start from where you are.

The first pillar of acceptance is humility. Humility and its close relative humor exert a homeopathic influence: a small dose of humility and humor averts humiliation. It’s a whole lot easier to accept where you are with this pillar in place.

The second pillar of acceptance is wonder. Wonder enlarges our capacity to receive support from unexpected sources. When you accept what is with a sense of wonder, it is much easier to surrender control – which you don’t have anyway – and open to synchronicity, serendipity, and happy accident.

The third pillar of acceptance is willingness. Each time you set aside your own script in favor of reality and summon the willingness to cooperate with what is, rather than fight it, you are storing up energy, building momentum. With the pillar of willingness in place, acceptance shifts your orientation from resignation and resentment to healthy peace and ambition.

The fourth pillar of acceptance is desire. Ah, desire! When you tune into your deepest and truest desires and allow yourself to experience your longing while accepting current reality, you complete a circuit. Your acceptance is now the firm foundation from which you can move forward.

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